| HIGH TECH |
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Pentagon Shows Off
Small, Mobile, Remote-Controlled
“Killing Machines”
Based on popular toy. |
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Cuba Puts First Computers on
Sale
Consumers line up to get latest models
from Commodore, Wang, Atari. |
| |
| MILESTONES |
|
30th Anniversary of First
Spam E-Mail
To celebrate, everyone is asked to either
buy cheap meds, increase their penis size
or send $300 to a stranger in Nigeria. |
| |
| MISCELLANEOUS |
|
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Texas Man
Arrested Trying to Cash
$360 Billion Check
At 7-Eleven. |
|
|
|
 Last 4
Stealth Bombers
Mothballed at Super
Secret Nevada Base
Never to be unseen again. |
|
|
| WHERE ARE THEY NOW? |
 Once the
bugaboo of Democrats, Dick Cheney has
all but disappeared from the national
radar lately. Turns out he’s busy as ever,
blocking government scientists from
protecting the right whale, one of the
most endangered species on Earth, in
the Atlantic Ocean! The obscure National
Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration
is trying to protect the last 350 of these
whales by having ships slow down in
their feeding and calving areas, but it’s
not too obscure for the Veep! He’s moved
to block the new rules, at the behest of the
World Shipping Council, a European trade
group. When he’s not shooting trapped
animals from a truck, Dick is staying busy,
busy, busy! |
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| |
| FACTOID |
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Australia Has More Cellphones
Than People
Throw another Blackberry on the barbie. |
| |
| LAW |
|
Residents of Greek Island of
Lesbos Sue Gay Group Over
Use of Word “Lesbian”
Friend-of-the-court brief filed by residents
of Raging Queen, Ohio. |
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