| PEOPLE |
 |
 |
Pope Will
Visit NY Synagogue
To give Jews one more
chance. |
|
| |
| ENTERTAINMENT |
 |
Studios, Networks Prepare for
Possible Actors Strike
If necessary, will use trained chimps,
subtitles. |
| |
| BUSINESS |
|
Consumer Confidence Hits Rock
Bottom
“I'll never shop again,” says
one. |
|
80,000 Jobs Lost in March
Most of them in job counseling. |
|
Senate Rejects Aid for
Homeowners,
Votes $6 Billion for Home Builders
To build more homes no one can afford. |
|
 Experts
Upbeat on Economy
As long as we don't run out of
soup. |
|
|
| SCIENCE |
|
New Evidence Shows Humans in
North America 1,000 Years Earlier Than
Previously Thought
8,000 years before Adam met Eve. |
| |
| HEALTH / MEDICINE |
|
Study: Mobile Phones More
Dangerous Than Smoking or
Inhaling Asbestos
But not as dangerous as smoking asbestos. |
| |
 Study:
Drinking Lots of Water
Has No Health Benefits
Luckily, we're running
out of water. |
|
|
| |
|
Health Database Programmed to
Ignore Search Term “Abortion”
Instead, use search terms “back
alley” or “coat hanger”
for best results. |
|
Study: Less Sleep Leads to
Obesity
Public urged to nap at dinnertime. |
|
