| NEW PRODUCTS |
 |
 Finally,
Guns That Come in Fun Colors!
What a great idea! Ever since we
gave ourselves the right to carry
them, guns have been dull, dull,
dull. But these semiautomatic
beauties come in a variety of
“now” colors that go
with just about any decor (before
being splattered with blood, of
course). Hey, they're so cute
your kids will want to play with
them! $200, at Bloomingdale's. |
|
| |
| SPORTS |
|
Study: March Madness Costs
$1.7
Billion in Workplace Productivity
Not counting guy who runs pool and always
seems to win it. |
|
Beijing Olympics: New
Concerns
Raised About Air Quality
Local officials consider banning Olympic
torch from entering city. |
| |
| HIGH TECH |
|
 Revolutionary
"Aging Mirror"
Technology Unveiled
Now twenty-somethings
can become depressed
years earlier. |
|
|
|
| FEATURE |
 |
| Experts are advising that
despite the financial
crisis you should not
panic. What should you
do? |
| A ) | Heed the
advice and don't panic.
After all, they are
experts. |
| B ) | Don't panic
now, but keep checking
with the experts to see
if and when they advise
you to panic. |
| C ) | Panic. |
| Hint: They
got to be experts by
telling you everything
was fine, remember? |
|
|
|
| |
| TRAVEL |
|
JetBlue to Start Charging
Extra for Legroom
Big savings if you fly curled up in fetal
position. |
| |
| MISCELLANEOUS |
|
Retirement
Home Agrees to Alter
Swastika Shape
Will reconfigure
buildings into shape of
burning cross. |
|
 |
|
|
