| NEW PRODUCTS |
 |
 The
Amazing De-Shredder Will Leave
You De-Lighted!
Say it's late, you're tired and you're still at
the office shredding sensitive documents
when — Oh no! — there goes
your income tax return! What do you do?
You get the De-Shredder, you load all that
confetti in and seconds later your perfectly
reconstituted document emerges. $499, at
all Spy 4 Less stores. |
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| SPORTS |
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21-Year-Old New Yorker Gets Bonds's
756th Home Run Ball
Denies using steroids. |
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| MISCELLANEOUS |
|
Number of Americans Moving to
Canada at 30-Year High
Parliament will consider 3,000-mile
wall. |
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San Francisco Bans Plastic Bags
All drugs must now be transported in paper bags. |
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| THIS WEEK IN HISTORY |
| August 9, 1490: Torquemada goes off on
summer break, snapping “We don't torture”
in response to allegations about Spanish
Inquisition. |
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| FEATURE |
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| After bundling,
packaging, selling and
reselling, most of the
non-performing, sub-prime
loans in the U.S. are
currently held by: |
| |
A ) | U.S.
banks and hedge funds. |
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B ) | Multinational
insurance companies. |
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C ) | China. |
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D ) | Nobody knows. |
| Hint: Some things
it's better not to know. |
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| EDUCATION |
|
Study: Educational Baby
Videos Actually Impede Learning
Parents urged to switch to Road Runner,
Bugs Bunny until further notice. |
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| CORRECTION |
| |
 Last week we misidentified the
building on the left as the headquarters of the Campbell's Soup
Company when it is in fact an Andy Warhol Factory
Outlet store. We apologize for any confusion. |
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