| PEOPLE |
 |
Al Franken
Will Run for Senate
If elected, he’ll
join 99 other comedians. |
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| ENTERTAINMENT |
|
Tens of Millions Watch Super
Bowl Commercials
Many also watch Super Bowl. |
|
TV: “Haji's Heroes”
Cancelled by Fox
Sitcom about goofy bunch of Gitmo
detainees never caught on with public. |
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Nielsen to Count
College Dorms
Ratings will be sent directly to
Budweiser's advertising agency. |
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| BUSINESS |
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Exxon Breaks Own Record
For Annual Profits
“It just keeps getting better,”
says spokesman. |
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Ford Drops to
#4 in Sales, Behind GM,
Toyota, Daimler-Chrysler
Still ahead of Hot
Wheels. |
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| SCIENCE |
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Panel: Man to Blame for
Global Warming
Specifically, one man: George W. Bush. |
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New Microchip Size of One
White
Blood Cell Can Hold Entire
Declaration of Independence
Or entire Patriot Act, whichever is in
force. |
| |
 At
Kentucky's Creation
Museum, Dinosaurs, Humans
Coexist
In biblical land of
Bedrock. |
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| HEALTH / MEDICINE |
|
Smokers With Brain Injuries
to Insula Able to Kick Habit Quickly and
Easily
Smokers advised to hit selves in head with hammer. |
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| CORRECTION |
| |
| Last week,
due to a typo, we quoted
President Bush as saying,
"We have no intention of
attacking Iraq." In fact, he
actually said, "We have no
intention of attacking Iran."
Our apologies for the error. |
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