| MISCELLANEOUS |
 |
 |
Brit Fails in Attempt at
Brussels Sprouts Eating Record
He stops at one. |
|
 |
UK Report: Robots Will Have
Rights
The right to vote, to drink, to drive, to
marry, to bear arms, to life, liberty,
and the pursuit of replacement parts. |
| |
| SPORTS |
|
Huge Brawl Results in
No Fines or Suspensions
At recent Hamas-Fatah game. |
| |
| KIDZ KORNER |
Fill
in the Blanks in This
Reusable News Template!
The Bush Administration
is considering a
"___ ___ ____"
in Iraq, a new approach
to the conflict. Reliable
sources have said, on
condition of _________,
that the likely strategy
will be an _______ in
troops, rather than the
_____ favored by __% of
the American public. Most
military leaders have
_________ an increase, or
"surge" in the
level of U.S. troops in
Iraq. But the Bush
Administration is ___ing
the opinions of the _____
Chiefs of Staff, and is
______ing the other
military leaders who
oppose the _____ in
troops. |
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| FEATURE |
 |
| (Last
week, we brought together
a distinguished panel of
psychics and asked them
for their predictions for
the coming year.) |
| Kandu
(India): "A
rotary-wing aircraft will
make its debut,
revolutionizing human
transportation as we know
it." |
| Madame Blavinsky
(Switzerland): "You
mean like the helicopter?
Please. The real surprise
in 2007 will be when Kim
Jong Il declares he's got
nuclear weapons." |
| Cassandra
(Canada): "He
already has. Many times.
In any case, I'm predicting a
breakthrough announcement
heralding a second Internet,
much faster than the one
we're using now, and it's on its
way." |
| The Oracle
(Delphi): "Earth to
Cassandra: it already
exists. For a real
prediction, the lowly
Charlotte Hornets will
win the NBA title and
shock the world." |
| Deep Fritz
(computer):
"Particularly the
people of Charlotte, who
the team abandoned in
2003. I predict humans
will no longer be called
upon to make predictions,
given their limited
intelligence, and
computers will take over
most tasks involving
complex thought." |
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