Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – MAY 8 - 14, 2006
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Baseball: Near- Riot Delays Padres Game
After Roseanne Barr (shown) sings national anthem in Spanish.
Write Your Own News Story! Just fill in the blanks in this Reusable News Template!

Representative ___ ____, (_, ___) had a one- car accident in the nation's capital, driving into a ____ in the early hours of the morning on ___ ___. _____, son of powerful ____ __ _____, appeared drunk, according to police, but was taken home and not tested for alcohol. __hours later, ___ _____, a lawyer and family spokesperson, emerged to deny alcohol was involved or that there had been any special treatment given to ______ due to his family connections. According to his lawyer, ______had been on pain medication ____ as a result of injuries suffered in a previous one-car accident ___ weeks ago when driving home from a celebration of his release from the ___ Center, a rehabilitation facility. ____ now admits he has a problem and will return to the rehab center for further treatment, said ____, adding that his family is very proud of ___ for his courageous fight to overcome his addiction.
All the funding for the campaign to repeal the estate tax, featuring imaginary threats to family farmers and small businesses, has recently been revealed as coming from:
A )small family farmers.
B )small business owners.
C )the Inter-Galactic Association of Extraterrestrial Entrepreneurs.
D )18 of the wealthiest families in America.
Hint: there's no limit to what a few, determined families can do in our democracy, if they have enough money.

The toughest provision of the new Lobby Reform Bill passed by the House is to require Congressional staff and encourage members to attend ethics training classes. Who will conduct these classes?
A )Trained ethicists from our nation's colleges and universities.
B )Lawyers with many years experience in conflict of interest issues.
C )Independent ethics experts from other planets.
D )Satan.
Hint: He's quite busy, but he's always found time to help the U.S. Congress.

   Copyright 2006 Ironic Times