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PAGE TWO – APRIL 3 -
9, 2006 |
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| PEOPLE |
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 John
Dean: Bush Worse Than Nixon
Cheney worse than Agnew,
Gonzales worse than
Mitchell, Rice worse than
Kissinger, Jenna and Barbara
worse than Julie and Tricia,
Barney worse than King Timahoe,
old Rumsfeld worse than young
Rumsfeld. |
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| BUSINESS |
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Dept. of Transportation
Issues Tough New MPG Standards for SUVs
Except for the really big ones, which
are, of course, exempt. |
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| HEALTH / MEDICINE |
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American Heart Journal: Prayer
For Heart Patients No Help
Better to pray for health coverage. |
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Latest Study: People Drink Wine
Because They're Healthy, Not
Other Way Around
Next study: medications work because patients
get better, not other way around. |
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| ART |
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 Sculpture of Britney
Spears Giving Birth
Breaks New Ground
First artwork ever to offend everybody. |
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| ADVERTISEMENT - PUBLIC NOTICE |
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Our Rates Have Changed! |
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Due to the changing circumstances in Iraq,
the Consortium of Iraqi Newspapers has
upgraded our rate schedule from 10 to 40%
for publishing positive stories written by
the U.S. military without attribution: |
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War Going Well |
$2,000 |
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Human Interest:
G.I. Loved by Iraqi Children |
$3,000 |
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Democracy on the March |
$5,000 |
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U.S., Iraqi Forces Working Together |
$4,000 |
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Iraqi Forces Better Every Day |
$5,000 |
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Note: Rates for
analyses already published in U.S. by columnists secretly
paid by U.S. negotiated separately.
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| © Copyright 2006 Ironic
Times |
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