| PEOPLE |
 |
 |
Britney in
the News Again
Second cousin of friend's
sister's former teacher's
husband is witness to an
auto accident. |
|
|
P. Diddy Accused of Hiring
Sweatshop Labor
Honduran workers, paid just ninety cents
an hour, are forced to listen to his
latest album over and over. |
| |
| ENTERTAINMENT |
|
Fewer Young Men Watching TV
Find watching others drink, fight, have
sex
less fun than drinking, fighting, having
sex. |
|
California Wildfires Destroy Part of Set
For Leonardo DiCaprio's Latest Film
“This is getting serious,” says
governor-elect. |
| |
| MERCHANDISING |
|
 |
| |
Talking Gen.
Boykin Doll Latest in
Series of Right-Wing
Action Figures
Pull string and he says
“My God's
bigger than yours.” |
|
| SCIENCE |
|
Findings Confirm Universe
Mostly Dark, Mysterious Energy
Just as Mr. Spock determined on
sixteenth episode of "Star
Trek." |
|
Brazilian Study: Coffee
Speeds Up Sperm
U.S. Study: Doughnuts slow sperm down. |
| |
 Huge Magnetic Storm on
Sun Has Devastating Consequences
on Earth
Many devices rendered
useless for several minutes. |
|
|
| |
| HEALTH / MEDICINE |
|
Study: Impatient, Hostile Men
At Risk for High Blood Pressure
15 Years Later
Must wait, wait, wait a long fucking time to see if
these medical assholes are right. |
|
Coca-Cola to Launch
Cholesterol-Reducing Orange Juice
Pepsi counters with free EKGs in
specially marked bottle caps. |
| |
| EDUCATION |
|
Study Links TV Problems to
Reading
Young children who read too much are
likely to have difficulty watching TV
later in life. |
|
