| TOYS |
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Dolls
Depicting Bush in Flight
Suit Go on Sale
Part of new "Photo
Op" series of action
figures. |
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| MISCELLANEOUS |
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Study: “Friendlier” Workers
More Productive
And workers who “really put out”
are most productive of all. |
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| SPORTS |
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Baseball: A-Rod Hints He’d Like
to Be Traded From Rangers
High cost of living in Texas straining
his budget, say sources. |
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Survey: Ten Percent of British
Soccer Fans Would Rather Watch
Game Than Have Sex
The rest would rather watch sex. |
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| CONSUMER NEWS |
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FDA Approves
Prank Wheelchair
Sudden, unexpected stunts
should lift spirits of
handicapped. |
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| SPECIAL FEATURE |
| How the Power
Grid Works |
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1.
Electricity, in thousands
of megawatts, is
generated at Regional
Power Plants. |
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2.
Campaign contributions,
in millions of dollars,
are forwarded from energy
company executives to
lawmakers. |
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3.
Executives meet secretly
with Dick Cheney, dictate
plan to deregulate energy
industry. |
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4.
Executives of deregulated
market cut work force,
skip maintenance,
manipulate system they
designed to rob state and
county governments. |
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5.
Blackouts are delivered
from local substations
directly to consumers. |
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| ODDS AND ENDS |
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Santa Orders
Elves To Practice Safe
Sex
Has condoms, educational
literature distributed to
all workshop employees. |
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