| LAW |
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President
Signs Secret Security
Bill Into Law
Only he and
Attorney General John
Ashcroft know what’s
in it. |
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| THE WAR |
|
Iraq Taking Steps to
Establish
Western-Style Government
Already $200 billion in debt. |
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Combat Over, Troops
Start to Leave Iraq
Thousands of Fox News employees return to
U.S. |
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| SPORTS |
|
Baseball: Pitchers Ahead of
Hitters
But steroids haven't kicked in yet. |
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More Fan
Attacks in Chicago
White Sox consider
dropping two-drink
minimum. |
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To improve on Mark Twain,
accounts of my demise have been
vastly overstated. That's
right, it's me - the Ace of
Spades! Bush and his deck full of
Jokers didn't kill me, and
they'll never find me,
either, at least not before angry
mobs run the infidels out of the
country and restore to power the
only man capable of running it -
me! Who else? Not those turds,
the Kurds. Not those
shit-for-brains Shiites.
Certainly not that chalupa
Chalabi. Think Yugoslavia after
Tito. When it's time for
some ethnic spring cleaning
I'll be back, you can count
on it. Until then, I'm
living in the lap of luxury, one
hundred feet down. Hey, I bet
Dick Cheney doesn't have solid
gold toothpicks. Enjoy your
freedom, suckers! |
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