| MISCELLANEOUS |
 |
Americans
Told
To Prepare for The
Worst
The worst air quality
laws in a generation. |
|
 |
|
| ENVIRONMENT |
|
Yellowstone Facing Overpopulation
Of Snowmobilers
Some may have to be shot or poisoned. |
| |
| SPORTS |
|
Yanks Purchase Red Sox,
Take Their Top Stars
Leave a core unit of "truly horrible
players." |
|
NBA Trade Deadline Passes
With Flurry of Activity
Head cases, underachievers, disgruntled
prima donnas exchanged for each other. |
|
New People Brought in to Run
U.S. Olympic Committee
They promise not to take as many bribes. |
| |
| MERCHANDISING |
| Best-Selling
Toys |
| 1. |
Lego Underground Bunker |
| 2. |
Nerf Smart Bomb |
| 3. |
Tickle Me Jacko |
| 4. |
Extra Busty Barbie |
| 5. |
Breast-Reduction Barbie |
|
|
 |
| This Week's
Question: Should the United States invade
Iraq? |
 |
Jesus: No. And
for a so-called born-again
Christian to do so is personally
embarrassing to me. I'm
thinking of suing. |
 |
Allah: No, but
if they do invade it'll be
an eye for an eye. Bush could end
up wearing a patch and looking
like the Hathaway man - remember
him? |
 |
Yahweh: Yes. The
whole operation will take maybe a
week or two, and then we can get
back to watching sports. |
 |
Buddha: Holding
on to anger is like grasping a
hot coal with the intent of
throwing it at someone else; you
are the one getting burned. |
 Ra: This is
really a better question for the
God of War, but I'll take a
swing at it. No, they
shouldn't invade unless
there is a legitimate reason. And
certainly not without the rest of
the world's support. Any
knucklehead knows that. |
|
|
|
