| PEOPLE |
 |
 |
| |
Record 14 Women in U.S.
Senate
They gathered last week
for a "Girls of the
Senate" photo shoot. |
| |
| THE PRESS |
|
Deemed Too Obscure, Wall
Street Journal to Stop Using
"G.O.P."
Will also drop rarely used
"Democrat,"
"Liberal,"
"Progressive." |
| |
| ENTERTAINMENT |
|
HBO Movie Will Depict Hitler
as Gay
Not that there's anything wrong with
that. |
|
"West Wing" White
House Set Destroyed By Fire
FBI searching for really stupid
terrorist. |
| |
| INTERNET |
|
 "Virtual
Universe" Internet
Venture Announced
Beta already undergoing
testing at www.getalifeforcryingoutloud.com. |
|
|
| SCIENCE |
|
Scientists Discover Distant
Planet, Search For Others in "'Habitable
Zone"
Seeking worlds that contain water,
temperate climates, full-service spas. |
|
Breakthrough Experiment Measures
Speed of Gravity
Flashlight dropped from ladder confirms
Einstein's Theory of Relativity. |
| |
| SPECIAL FEATURE |
 |
| The right to face
accusers, challenge
evidence in open court,
and other luxuries of
peacetime have been
suspended temporarily for
the duration of the War
on Terrorism. This war
will end when: |
| A) | a
peace agreement is signed
by the President of
Terrorism. |
| B) | the
Axis of Evil agrees to an
unconditional surrender
to the Fulcrum of Good. |
| C) | John
Ashcroft dances down
Pennsylvania Avenue in a pink tutu, singing
"I'm Just a Girl Who Can't Say No" in Farsi. |
|
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