| FASHION |
 |
 |
SPRING
FASHION PREVIEW
Look for more leather,
much more hair, way more
lipstick. |
|
|
| |
| RELIGION |
|
People of Many Faiths Observe
Holiest Time of Year
Take occasional breaks to torture, rape,
murder each other. |
| |
| AUTOS |
 |
|
New Sports
Car Features Warp
Overdrive
Won't be available
on this planet until
2008. |
|
| |
| SPORTS |
|
Austrian Study Links Mountain
Biking to Infertility in Men
Unexplained: why infertile men like
mountain biking. |
|
 |
England: Dogs
Demonstrate in Favor of
Fox Hunting
“It’s our
bloody way of life,”
says one. |
|
|
|
| WHAT THEY WERE THINKING |
| |
 |
| President
Nixon, Elvis Presley, Oval
Office, December 21, 1970. |
| Richard
Nixon (left): "I
remember how slurred his speech
was, and the smell of peanut
butter and bananas on his breath.
And I think he was on
something." |
| Elvis
Presley: "The
President’s hands were
clammy, and his lip was sweaty.
And I think he was on
something." |
|
| |
| SPECIAL REPORT |
Solid
Proof That Saddam Has
Nukes
1. On
his recent trip to
Turkey, Paul Wolfowitz
overheard two Turks with
access to CLASSIFIED
INFORMATION say they were
sure Saddam had nukes.
(They DID NOT KNOW they
were being overheard!)
2. Some
guy in Guantanamo says
he'll swear to hearing
about Saddam's nukes, and
all he wants in return is
to be freed - he's NOT
EVEN ASKING FOR MONEY!
3.
Donald Rumsfeld had a
prophetic dream where he
actually SAW Saddam's
nuclear weapons and also
huge intercontinental
ballistic MISSILES to
deliver them ANYWHERE in
the UNITED STATES!
(Information
provided by the White
House in the interest of
national security.) |
|
|
|
