| MISCELLANEOUS |
 |
 |
Economists
Fear War Will Trigger
Rise in Oil Prices
U.S. motorists prepare to
cope with coming crisis. |
|
|
| SPORTS |
|
Baseball: Shortage of Good
Pitchers
Also: hitters, fielders, owners, fans. |
|
Fan Who Attacked Kansas City
Royals Coach Cites “Bush
Doctrine”
Claims preemptive strike necessary to
prevent coach from attacking fans. |
|
Season Winds
Down
Teams, players prepare
for World Streaking
Championships. |
|
 |
|
|
Baseball to Expand by Two
Teams
One in Minnesota, the other in Montreal. |
| |
| PICTURE OF THE
WEEK |
|
 |
Floating City
Proposed
Will eventually be home
to two members of every
species, says owner. |
|
|
|
| FACE-OFF: |
 |
KARL ROVE VS.
PAUL WOLFOWITZ |
| (Karl Rove is
White House Senior Advisor; Paul
Wolfowitz is Deputy Secretary of
Defense.) |
Question: What should we
do about
Saddam Hussein? |
| Rove: We should
invade Iraq and remove him from
power. Tomorrow, if possible. |
| Wolfowitz:
You're crazy. We should
attack today, with all the
weapons at our disposal. |
| Rove: Whoa! Why
pussyfoot about "weapons at
our disposal" – we should
nuke the bastard! |
| Wolfowitz: Back
to the Stone Age, you didn't
mention. |
| Rove: And you
didn't mention installing a
government friendly to the United
States. |
| Wolfowitz: What,
and not take control of their oil
fields? What have you been
smoking? |
| (Ironic Times
will periodically allow people
with differing opinions to debate
an important issue.) |
|
|
|
