| MISCELLANEOUS |
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Forbes: Three Richest Have $100
Billion Between Them
Bill Gates ($43 billion), Warren Buffet ($36
billion), and Paul Allen ($21 billion) all save
money by cutting their own hair. |
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| SPORTS |
|
Basketball: Embarrassed, U.S. Plots
Comeback in International Competition
First step involves carpet-bombing
Yugoslavia and Argentina. |
| |
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| A top official of the
Federal Reserve Bank has
called on CEOs to cut
their own pay. This is
most likely to happen: |
| A) |
during the holiday
season of giving and
introspection. |
| B) |
after the fall
elections, but before 4th
Quarter earnings are
released. |
| C) |
when pigs fly out of
Alan Greenspan's ass
singing "The
Internationale" in
Uzbek. |
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| NEW PRODUCTS |
Don't
Shred That Document!
Simply let "The
Translator" (above)
translate all your important
papers into Arabic. At $400,
"The Translator"
isn't cheap, but
wouldn't you want your most
sensitive data safe from
government investigators?
Guaranteed, or the manufacturer
will pay your bail.
|
| |
Access Your TV From Anywhere!
Talk about a unversal remote! This neat little
product can turn on your TV in Kalamazoo,
even if you're in Timbuktu! Incorporating
GPS technology, the "GloboClicker"
can also change channels, volume, and adjust
contrast. $249 at Sharper Image. |
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