| FOOD |
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McDonald's
to Cut Fat Content in
Fries by 50%
Will be part of new
"Going Out of
Business Meal." |
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| SPORTS |
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Augusta National Golf Club
Finally Decides to Admit Women
"But only lookers," says a
spokesman. |
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Nostradamus Predicted Outcome
of Pennant Races
"The Elephant (the A's) will
ride herd over the American West,"
he wrote in the 16th Century, "and
the Urban Dwellers (the Mets) will fall
flat on their faces in the NL East." |
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International
Olympic Committee Rejects
Several New Sports
Among them: the Alligator
Throw, the Shark Put, and
Team Bull Vaulting
(right). |
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| Hi. How's your car running?
Getting good mileage, I hope.
Don't skimp on the octane.
By the way, I represent a country
that supplies more than 20% of
your oil. And we do so gladly,
for you are our friends, and you
will always be our friends. |
| Which brings me to my next point.
There are many voices being
raised saying we support these
terrible people who do bad things
to you. These voices are loud
and, frankly, annoying. In our
country, when people speak
thusly, we cut out their vocal
cords. |
| Which brings me to my final
point. You shouldn't jump to
conclusions about us. Remember,
four of the nineteen hijackers on
Sept.11 were not from
Saudi Arabia. That's about
the same percentage as the oil we
supply you. So think about that
the next time you hit the
accelerator and pass that
slow-moving camel. |
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