| SPORTS |
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 |
Lleyton
Hewitt Wins Clothing
Optional Open
Australian (left) takes
another step toward
Nudist Grand Slam. |
|
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Baseball Study: 85% of Owners
Use Financial Stimulants
Pumped-up bookkeeping "rampant"
among top execs, says new report. |
|
Baseball: 79% of Players
Asked Would Agree to Be
Tested for Steroids
21% too musclebound to answer. |
|
Fans, Furious With Baseball,
Threaten Action
Some plan to get up from the couch. |
|
NFL Player Gives Up
Millions to Join Army
Arizona Cardinal Pat Tillman hopes to get
$25 million for capturing bin Laden. |
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| TRENDS |
|
Black Box Monitors Teen
Driving Errors For Parents
Also monitors parental fashion errors for
teens. |
| |
| ART |
|
Rare
Michelangelo Found in New
York
Discovered on back side
of pizza order for
"Antiques Road
Show." |
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This may be the best time in
years to get into the market, now
that the whole corporate
wrongdoing mess is over. Investor
confidence has been restored and
the country is focused on other
matters.
My first definite "buy"
would have to be Halliburton
(HLBTN). Don’t let the
plunging price or the lawsuit
fool you, this energetic
energy-trading company was once
solidly run by none other than
our own V.P., Dick Cheney - and
there’s only one other
person better at running a
company than him - and he’s
our prexy.
Another must-have stock is Martha
Stewart (ANAL-RET), the doyenne
of doilies who has deflected any
taint of unseemliness in her
private business dealings with
typically effortless aplomb.
Finally, cash in your 401(k)s and
put it all into WorldCom
(WRLD-END), whose former execs
are gone, and they’re not
talking, so it looks like clear
sailing for this
telecommunications giant.
See you in the Hamptons!
(Mr. Money is not affiliated with
any of the companies mentioned.) |
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