| |
BUSH, SHADOW
PRESIDENT MEET
Agree to work together. |
|
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| WORLD NEWS |
 |
Middle East Situation
Described as "Desperate"
Considered a slight improvement over
"hopeless." |
|
Arafat Confined to Phone
Booth
Must pay for all calls over three minutes. |
|
Oprah Winfrey Declines Bush
Invite to Tour Afghanistan
Second choice, Jerry Springer, accepts. |
|
Alleviating Worldwide Poverty
Rises on Bush Agenda Into 73rd Place
Just behind interstate highway litter
removal and military band instrument
procurement. |
| |
| ALSO IN THE NEWS . . . |
 |
| |
CHRIST
RETURNS
But, once again,
is crucified. |
|
|
|
| U. S. NEWS |
|
Military Reports No
Enlistment
Gains Since September Despite
Patriotic Fervor
However, fewer Americans are joining the
Taliban. |
|
Consumer Confidence
Surges in March
Buoyed by robust job growth in arms
manufacturing, pornography. |
| |
REMINDER
Violence begets
violence, but gets good
ratings. |
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| |
|
Bush Uses Solar Energy Funds
To Print Proposal to Slash
Solar Energy Budget
Cites past
misappropriations of Solar Energy funds. |
|
Playboy's Planned "Women
of Enron" Spread Offers Hope
To Laid Off Workers
"Is this a great country, or
what?" says one. |
| |
| BUSINESS |
|
Andersen Agrees to Volcker
Plan
Will give up consulting to concentrate on
shredding. |
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