Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE - FEBRUARY 12 - 18, 2001
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All 8th graders will soon be required to pass a new, national test before graduating. Ironic Times obtained a copy of the test. Here is a sample question:

Dick and Jane live in a poverty-stricken area where poorly trained teachers must teach in overcrowded classrooms in deteriorating public schools. How can society best help Dick and Jane?

A) Prayer
B) Testing
C) Give money to private schools
D) More prayer

Chaos in Art World
Copies of paintings now worth more than originals.
Designers influenced by gangsta rap, hip-hop styles
  by Mr. Movie
"Shakespeare in Heat" (Rating: NC-17)
Recently we've seen an explosion of movies based on the works of Shakespeare, and now this one comes along purporting to depict the Bard himself. However, he's rarely seen doing the very thing that made him famous. According to this fictional account, his writing process was repeatedly interrupted by numerous comely young maidens anxious to engage him in a process of a wholly different nature.
In fact, the story is dragged down by a preponderance of what seems like nothing more than gratuitous sex between the two stars, neither of whom looked familiar. Johnny "The Salami" Smith does present a reasonable interpretation of Shakespeare, given what we know about him, but Georgina Spelvin's Anne Hathaway is about as far from an Elizabethan woman as one could imagine and still be on this planet! What she does to the language, not to mention Shakespeare, is a crime, even today.
One other complaint: the countryside of England of that period was so lush and beautiful it's a shame all the scenes had to be filmed indoors, but apparently that's what the screenplay called for.   1 Stars

 Copyright 2001 Ironic Times