Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – NOVEMBER 22 - 28, 2021
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TECHNOLOGY
Apple to Launch Fully Autonomous Car as Soon as 2025
When it stalls, a spinning beach ball appears on the dashboard.
 
EDUCATION
Report: Only 57% of White
Applicants Admitted to
Harvard on Merit

The rest are admitted because they possess a certain je n'est c'est quoi.
 
POLL
63% of Americans Believe
In Ghosts, Aliens

Same percentage believe in Santa, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy.
 
CORRECTION
 
Last week we mistakenly reported that two-thirds of the Supreme Court opposed overturning Roe v. Wade. Actually, two-thirds of the American people oppose overturning Roe v. Wade. We regret the mixup.
FEATURE
Approximately how many pieces of manmade space junk are currently orbiting the Earth?
   A )  34  
   B )  340  
   C )  3,400  
   D )  34,000  
Hint: not to mention all those golf balls.
 
METAPHYSICS
Physicists Grapple With Revived Theory That Everything is Predetermined
Outcome of debate remains uncertain, predetermined or not.
 
ODDS 'N' ENDS
Meta (Facebook) Testing High-Tech Gloves to Add Feeling to Metaverse Experience
As if shame and envy and hatred and racism weren't enough.

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