Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – AUGUST 2 - 8, 2021
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TECHNOLOGY
Apple Warns: Airtag Batteries With Bitter Coating to Prevent Children From Eating Them May Not Work
And make a lousy candy.
1 in 3 Children Use a
Smartphone or Tablet
Before They Can Talk

“Only one in three?” says disappointed Apple sales manager.
 
SPORTS
Olympics: Time Difference,
Loss of Headliners Blamed
For Low TV Ratings

Outside of family members, few stay up until three AM to watch mixed pairs air rifle preliminaries.
 
CORRECTION
 
Last week we reported that a clever deepfake of former President Trump claiming that Jan. 6 rioters were “hugging and kissing” police had gone viral. We have since learned it was not a deepfake. We apologize for any confusion.
FEATURE
A recent study determined that three Americans produce enough carbon emissions in their lifetime to do what?
A )Create one smoke ring.
B )Create one bag of charcoal.
C )Create one diamond.
D )Kill one person.
Hint: you and two others have the right to remain silent.
 
MISCELLANEOUS
Study: Dogs Know When
We're Lying and Won't
Follow Commands

Explains why Trump never had a dog.
 
ODDS 'N' ENDS
Flight Attendants Take Combat Training to Deal With Unruly Passengers
And grabby pilots.

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