Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – MAY 18 - 24, 2020
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TRAVEL
Mar-a-Lago Reopens
Guests wearing masks will be asked to remove them or be permanently banned from the premises.
 
MISCELLANEOUS
Report: Lockdown-Flouting
Speakeasies Popping Up
Throughout Manhattan

If you go, the password is “swordfish.”
Study: Psychopaths Who
Enjoy Successful Lives Have
Supreme Self-Control

Based on thousands of interviews with successful psychopaths.
Alaska Legislator Compares Pandemic Safety Measures to Nazi Treatment of Jews
Jews were told to stay home, stay safe, and wash their hands frequently.
 
SPORTS
MLB Reopening Plan: No Showers, No Spitting, No Fist Bumps
Allowed: scratching crotch, biting nails, picking nose.
FEATURE
What national policy does the U.S. share with Tonga, Tuvalu, Nauru and Somalia?
A )Legalized marijuana.
B )A guaranteed minimum income.
C )Universal healthcare.
D )No paid sick leave.
Hint: hey, you're either out of a job or working from home now, so it doesn't matter.
 
TRENDS
Thousands of Americans Have Become Socialists Since March
Right after Neiman-Marcus declared bankruptcy.
 
ODDS 'N' ENDS
New York's Times Square Slowly Returns to Life
Shown: pizza rats, cockroaches allowed back in.

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