Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – JANUARY 13 - 19, 2020
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NEW PRODUCTS
Robot Child
Real children are nothing but trouble, but Hey Buddy from Wham-O makes parenting a breeze. Asks questions, laughs, giggles, says over 200 darndest things. Never talks back, sleeps on command. $1,299 at Cyber City.
 
MISCELLANEOUS
Finland to Introduce Four-Day
Work Week, Six-Hour Days

And fifty-minute hours.
Record 6,000 Reports of
UFOs in 2019

Extraterrestrials can't seem to get enough of us.
 
TECHNOLOGY
Automated Restaurants Close in Bay Area, Causing Layoffs
Robot cooks, robot servers, delivery robots pounding the pavement looking for work.
MEDIA
Facebook Will Continue to
Allow Lies in Political Ads

After impassioned lobbying by both parties.
 
FACTOID
Drunk Shopping Accounts
For $39.4 Billion Each Year

Not including the booze.
 
RELIGION
Evangelicals See Trump as
Another King Cyrus

“Never heard of the guy, but I like him already,” says Trump.
 
ODDS 'N' ENDS
Survey: 75% of Men Feel More Confident With Facial Hair
Compared with only 2% of women.
Prince Harry, Meghan Markle Announce Plan to “Step Back” From Royal Family, Live Abroad, Make Own Living
Their dream: run a B&B in the Poconos.

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