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Ironic Times

 NO. 1004 “Expect the Ironic” DEC 30 2019 - JAN 5 2020 

Dec 23
Jan 6
WORLD WELCOMES NEW DECADE
7.8 billion humans look forward to increased nationalism, growing economic disparity, an existential climate crisis, and some great TV.
 
WORLD NEWS
Russia Deploys Hypersonic Nuclear Weapon, Which Can Evade All Known Missile Defenses
“Quite an achievement, you should be very proud,” Trump tells Putin.
 
U. S. NEWS
Pentagon Plans Cyber Warfare to Counter Russian Interference
Seeks waiver to draft 14-year-olds into military service.
 
ALSO IN THE NEWS ...
Kim Jong Un's Promised “Christmas Gift” Finally Arrives
“I love it!” says Trump.
(Once again we turn to our stellar panel of psychics, seers and soothsayers for a look at what's to come in the new year.)
Kandu: “President Trump is reelected, winning Wisconsin, Michigan, Ohio, Pennsylvania and Florida, each by one vote.”
Madame Blavinsky: “It gets so hot in the Arctic seals start selling their fur.”
Cassandra: “The trial in the Senate draws a large TV audience and gets picked up for another season.”
Nostradamus: “The economy becomes so strong every able American will have a good part-time job.”
Tiresias: “A time traveler from the future will appear just to prove me right.”
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