Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – APRIL 8 - 14, 2019
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PEOPLE
Book: Barbara Bush Blamed Heart Attack on Trump, Kept “Trump Countdown Clock” by Her Bedside
Alongside picture of Kathy Griffin holding up Trump's bloody head.
Trump Again Wrongly Claims His Father Was Born in Germany
Poll: 82% of Republicans believe his father was born in Germany.
 
BUSINESS
Trump Supporters Create Website for MAGA-Friendly Restaurants
Recommends any establishment with words “Cracker” and “Barrel” in its name.
Short Story Vending Machines Make Their Debut
Could signal the end of the novel.
SCIENCE
Mars Mysteriously Producing Methane From Unknown Source
Old men eating beans around a campfire has been ruled out.
Windmills Cause Cancer, Claims President
And nobody knows more about windmills.
 
Fossil of Ancient Four-Legged Whale With Hooves Discovered
Lived at a time before whale racing considered cruel.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Survey: Americans Borrowed
$88 Billion to Pay for Health
Care in 2018

Which they'll pay back over the next 150 years.
Study: Just Being Reminded of Coffee Increases Alertness, Attention
Unless it's decaf.

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