| PEOPLE |
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 Betsy DeVos
Defends Cutting Funds for Special Olympics
Says athletes will make “plenty of
money” in the pros. |
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| ENTERTAINMENT |
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 “Woodstock 50”
Set for This Summer
“Three Days of Peace and Quiet.” |
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| BUSINESS |
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McDonald's Will Use AI to Automatically
Tweak Drive-Thru Menus
Healthy salads for healthy-looking types; Big Mac, fries
and a shake for you. |
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Wow Air Shuts Down
Stranding Passengers
They switch to flights on Lucky Air. |
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| SCIENCE |
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British Scientist Says He's Invented
Safe, Synthetic Alcohol Substitute
You can get drunk and do something you'll regret
forever, but no hangover. |
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UN: Arctic to Warm 9 Degrees
By 2100
But take a sweater, just in case. |
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 World's Biggest T.
Rex Discovered
Sighted on old Route 66 near World's Largest Cow. |
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| HEALTH / MEDICINE |
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Study: Men Schedule Their Vasectomies
in Conjunction With NCAA Tournament
So They Can Watch During Recovery
Women have their tubes tied after meeting men who
have vasectomies to watch some stupid basketball games. |
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French Public Health Agency: No More Than
Two Glasses of Wine Per Day, and Not Every Day
“And go easy on the frogs and snails.” |
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