Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – FEB 25 - MAR 3, 2019
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MISCELLANEOUS
Hanoi Barbershop Offering Kim, Trump Haircuts
For those who like to be teased relentlessly.
 
TECHNOLOGY
Apple, Google Criticized for App That Lets Saudi Men Track Their Wives
“In the wrong hands,” they warn, “this app could be used by wives to track their husbands.”
 
BOOKS
Just Out: The Threat: How the F.B.I. Protects America in the Age of Terror and Trump, by Andrew McCabe
Look for it in the “Trump White House Tell-All Memoirs” section of your favorite bookstore.
 
SPORTS
NFL Makes Big Settlement With Colin Kaepernick as His Lawyer Predicts He'll Be Playing Soon
On a team he just bought.
FEATURE
The 25th Amendment outlines a succession plan if a president:
A )Becomes incapacitated
B )Resigns
C )Dies
D )Is revealed to be acting as an agent of Russia
Hint: or Mars.
 
MEDIA
Trump Calls for “Retribution” Against Saturday Night Live
Asks Joe Piscopo to send anthrax to Lorne Michaels.
 
ODDS 'N' ENDS
El Chapo Action Figure Flying Off Shelves
Realistic, meticulously detailed, filled from head to toe with cocaine.

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