Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – SEPT 10 - 16, 2018
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MISCELLANEOUS
Trump Ordered Official Inauguration Photograph Cropped to Exclude Empty Spaces
And had hundreds of Russians photoshopped out.
 
CRIME
Dorothy's Stolen Ruby Slippers From Wizard of Oz Found by FBI After 13 Years
And an exhaustive witch hunt.
 
SPORTS
Colin Kaepernick Featured
In New Nike Ad Campaign

Their first for knee pads.
Orioles Become First Team to Wear Braille Lettering on Uniforms
It will help umpires tell one player from another.
FEATURE
 
Outgoing Message of the Week
“Hello! You've reached the Social Security Administration. Unfortunately no one is available to take your call, as the administration has slashed the number of workers by more than 10%. We could tell you by how much more than 10%, but there aren't enough workers left to find out. Also, union protections have been gutted and morale here is at an all-time low. So if you have a problem with your Social Security check, or any other problem, good luck! You can leave a message with us, but nobody will read or listen to it, so don't bother.”
 
ODDS 'N' ENDS
According to The New York Times, Donald Trump's Response to 9/11 Attacks Was to Claim (Falsely) That His Building Had Just Become Tallest in Lower Manhattan
And that people looking to relocate offices destroyed in the attacks could find great deals there.

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