Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – MAY 16 - 22, 2016
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NEW PRODUCTS
 
  Breakthrough: Miracle “Second Skin” Makes Wrinkles Disappear
Eighty is the new twenty.
 
MISCELLANEOUS
Burning Man to Offer Airplane Access
Applications now being accepted.
 
FACTOID
To Earn Bill Gates's Fortune Average Person Would Have to Work for 1 Million Years.
Meanwhile, Gates would have to work for a quarter of a second to make your fortune.
 
SPORTS
Highly Anticipated “Madden 17”
Released
This year's edition features ratings for every player's risk of brain damage.
FEATURE
Congressional Republicans Decry Multiple National Crises of Substance Abuse, Crumbling Roads, Bridges, Spread of the Zika Virus, and Mental Health; however they
A )are still debating which crisis is the highest priority.
B )are still holding hearings to seek expertsí advice on solutions.
C )are still refusing to spend any money to fix any of the crises.
Hint: it might require raising taxes.
 
ODDS 'N' ENDS
 
  100 Nude Women to Be
Photographed Outside GOP
Convention

By 5000 photographers.

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