Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – JULY 20 - 26, 2015
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PEOPLE
Rapper 50 Cent Files for Bankruptcy
Declaring assets of fifty cent, liabilities of sixty cent.
 
MEDIA
TV: First Pot Ad to Run on Denver Station Before Jimmy Kimmel
Other ads to run on Cartoon Network, Food Network, Fox & Friends.
 
BUSINESS
New Tesla Model S Will Go
From 0 to 60 in 2.8 Seconds

In case you have to do that to avoid an accident.
Manufacturer Says New Bubble
Wrap Will No Longer Pop

Change made despite desperate plea from obsessive-compulsives.
Airbus Unveils New Plane
It's Shamu's private jet.
SCIENCE
NASA: Early Data From Pluto
Probe “Mind Blowing”

Reminding many at JPL of seeing 2001: A Space Odyssey for first time on acid.
Large Hadron Collider Discovers New Form of Matter
Never-seen-before pentaquark particle (right) contains five infinite universes, lasts one-zillionth of a second.
Astronauts to Try First Salad Grown in Space
Having exhausted supply of cookies, cupcakes, chocolate donuts, Snickers, M&Ms and Twizzlers.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Study: Fracking Bad for Your Health
After drinking contaminated water, breathing polluted air and breaking a leg in an earthquake, your health could suffer.
Study: Standing at Work
Could Be Bad for You, Too

Concludes work, whether sitting or standing, bad for you.

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