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Ironic Times

 NO. 743 “Expect the Ironic” DEC 29 - JAN 4, 2015 

Dec 22
Jan 5
IRONIC TIMES PERSON OF
THE YEAR: KIM KARDASHIAN
Reality star chosen over Ebola doctors, Vladimir Putin and two-time loser Pope Francis.
 
WORLD NEWS
Starting Next Year, Dutch
Bankers Must Swear to Uphold
Banker's “Hippocratic Oath”

Or get jobs in U.S.
 
U. S. NEWS
New York Times Calls for
Prosecution of Dick Cheney

With a thorough trial, a fair decision and a speedy execution.
Year Ends With Economy Booming
Apple Mary selling gift baskets.
 
NEW PRODUCTS
A Wearable Computer for Dogs
Finally, a computer for dogs who know how to use a computer and don't want to interrupt their work when they go for a walk. $499, at Cyber Canine.
 
(Once again our international panel of experts gives us a peek at what to expect in the next twelve months.)
Kandu, mystic (India): “The first successful teleportation will send a mouse from Los Angeles to San Francisco instantaneously, putting California's high-speed rail project on hold.”
Madame Blavinsky, psychic (Switzerland): “Hackers will force Warner Brothers to pull all its Charlie Chan movies from syndication.”
Cassandra, seer (Canada): “The wealth gap will become so great the rich will lap the poor.”
The Oracle, oracle (Delphi): “The Supreme Court will rule corporations can legally marry and that their subsidiaries are their children.”
Watson, supercomputer (U.S.): “A man in Michigan will pay for Google Glass in bitcoins, have it delivered by drone, be disappointed with his purchase, return it by drone and receive a full discount in bitcoins”
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