Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – NOVEMBER 11 - 18, 2013
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PEOPLE
Lady Gaga to Perform in Space
Before her fans.
Scalia Says “Of Course” He Believes in the Devil, Citing Bible as Evidence
Devil says “Of Course” he believes in Scalia, citing his vote on “Citizens United.”
 
MEDIA
Guns & Ammo Fires Editor After Publishing Editorial Calling for Gun Control
Angry ex-editor goes out and buys a gun.
 
BUSINESS
Report: Billionaires Received Millions in Farm Subsidies
Proving money does grow on trees.
Harley-Davidson Introduces Lighter, Smaller Models
For little old ladies who want to join motorcycle gangs.
Burger King Debuts Big Mac Clone Big King
McDonald's debuts Big Team of lawyers.
SCIENCE
Report: There Are 8.8 Billion Earth-like Planets in the Milky Way
And nothing worth watching on TV on any of them.
Earth 7 Times More Vulnerable to Catastrophic Meteor Impacts Than Previously Thought
So you can relax about global warming.
 
Breakthrough: Monkey Controls Virtual Arms With Its Thoughts
Promises a time when monkeys perform delicate operations from thousands of miles away.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Study: Only 1% of Kids' Meals Healthy
Though kids' meals have a 99% satisfaction rating.
FDA Proposes Severe Limits on Artificial Trans Fats
After lobbyists for companies heavily invested in artificial trans fats fail to sufficiently wine and dine FDA officials.

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