Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – MAY 20 - 26, 2013
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PEOPLE
“Bea Arthur Naked” Painting Sells for $1.9 Million
Clothed version sells for $4.3 million.
 
ENTERTAINMENT
After Uproar, German Opera Company Cancels Nazi-Themed Staging of Wagner’s “Tannhauser”
And fires Mel Brooks.
 
BUSINESS
Markets Soar on Rising Wave of Optimism
By public hoping to win Powerball jackpot.
Chrysler Recalls 300,000 Jeeps Which Could Roll Away Unexpectedly
Always park your Jeep in your garage and close the garage door.
Disney Alters Warrior Princess Merida, Makes Her Sexier
To sell more dolls to dirty old men.
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Wrigley Halts Sales of “Alert
Energy Caffeinated Gum”

After angry complaints at all hours of the night.
Study: Body Builders More
Politically Conservative

Less flexible.
 
First Lab-Grown Hamburger Made From Stem Cells Could Be Eaten Soon
By unsuspecting lab assistant.
 
TECHNOLOGY
Windows 8 Update to be Free
Which makes it somewhat overpriced.
 
SCIENCE
Breakthrough: Cloning Technique Produces Human Stem Cells
Promises future dominated by armies of cloned warriors battling each other at the behest of their megalomaniacal masters.

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