| NEW PRODUCTS |
 |
 It's the First
Higgs Boson Watch!
Talk about accuracy, this timepiece is off by less
than one millisecond every 17 billion years,
which should keep you on time for job interviews
well into the future. Powered by nuclear particles
colliding at the speed of light, it creates a new
universe every hour, accompanied by a little
big bang. Just don't try winding it -- no one's
sure what happens. $49.95, at the CERN gift store. |
|
| |
| TECHNOLOGY |
|
500 Million Chinese Now Online
Getting unlimited information from all over
world about cheap Viagra. |
|
 Completed: Steve Jobs's Dream
Yacht, Totally Controlled by
Onboard iMacs
Unveiling delayed when Apple Maps sails it
to Portland, Maine instead of Portland, Oregon. |
|
|
| FEATURE |
 |
| Where are the Romney-Ryan baseball-style caps made? |
| |
A ) |
Right here in the U S of A! |
| |
B ) |
Puerto Rico |
| |
C ) |
Mars |
| |
D ) |
China |
| Hint: do you really have to ask? |
|
|
|
| |
| POLL |
|
More Than Two-Thirds of Republican Voters
Believe in Demonic Possession
Explains why they vote against their own best interest. |
| |
| ODDS 'N' ENDS |
|
 |
Million Muppet March Turns
Violent
Not shown: police use clubs, tear gas, rubber
bullets to subdue angry mob. |
|
|
