Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – AUGUST 8 - 14, 2011
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PEOPLE
Hugh Hefner Reportedly Joins Planking Craze
Or he's dead.
 
BUSINESS
Forbes: 400 Richest Americans Pay 18% Tax Rate Since Bush Tax Cuts
A spokesman for the 400 Richest Americans told reporters "It may not sound like much, but that's a lot of money."
Kraft to Split Into Two Companies
One for sugared products, the other for salty.
U.S. Fast Food Franchises
Thrive in Russia

But Borscht in a Bag flops over here.
Taiwan-based Foxconn, Electronics
Manufacturer, Will Replace 1,000,000 Workers with Robots

Workers will be dismantled and sold for scrap.
SCIENCE
Japanese Scientists Make
Sperm From Stem Cells

Finally eliminating the nuisance of sex.
New Theory: Earth Once
Had Two Moons

And was twice as romantic.
Chinese Scientists Determine Time Travel Impossible
Or we'd have been visited thousands of times by greedy jerks from the future who'd run up huge fortunes on Wall Street.
 
Expert: Chimps Capable of Shooting Rifle
Expert taken to hospital; present condition unknown.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Survey: Half of Americans Drink Booze
The rest must wait until they're 21.
Getting Even a Little Exercise
Better Than Getting None

Same for sex.

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