Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – MARCH 15 - 21, 2010
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MISCELLANEOUS
Robots Take Over in Parts of Ukraine
Authorities say unrest confined to small area.
 
EDUCATION
Panel Seeks National Standards for Education
Covering broad areas like gum chewing, passing notes and sharing what you find so funny with the rest of the class.
 
LAW
Senate Might Reduce Crack Cocaine Sentence Disparity By 80%
So, instead of serving 500 years for simple possession, an offender would only have to serve 100 years.
Supreme Court to Hear Case of Provocative Christian Protesters
In Good Christian Heterosexuals v. Satan.
 
SPORTS
NCAA Considers Expanding Basketball Tournament to 96 Teams
From “March Madness” to “April of Our Discontent.”
Citibank has used your tax bailout dollars to:
A )build a bridge over the financial crisis to a sound footing on the other side.
B )help distressed homeowners stay in their homes and renegotiate unaffordable mortgage payments.
C )slap an annual $60 fee on credit cards that previously had no fees, and hire public relations people to explain this to irate customers.
Hint: you can always cancel your Citibank card, although you do realize this will have a substantial negative impact on your credit rating, don’t you?
 
RELIGION
Poll: 82% Ask God for Advice
Before Making Decision

Then place order for Paris Hilton sex tape.
 
CRIME
Germany: Robbers Steal Millions From TV Poker Tourney
Then give it all back at craps table.

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