Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – DECEMBER 14 - 20, 2009
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California Animal Shelters Report Spike in Unwanted Chihuahuas
Blame it on spike in unwanted celebutantes.
U.S. Teens Ignore Laws Against Texting While Driving
So buckle up.
New Internet Site Manages Your Social Networks After You Die
Currently, most of your Facebook friends are actually dead.
Ads Tailored to Your Web Surfing Habits Can Reveal a Lot About Yourself
If you keep getting ads for cheap meds and porn sites assume you're a lonely sleazeball.
Pat the Patriot, New England Mascot, Caught in Prostitution Sting
Will take “an indefinite break” from football.
Lots of great viewing this time of year, if you're under house arrest. Here's a preview:
"A Very Basic Cable Christmas" (Bravo)
Reality star Jon or Kate welcomes the Hogans, the Kardashians, the Gottis, Hef's girlfriends, the Real Housewives of New Jersey and Nadia Suleman (Octomom) in an hour of public domain songs and improvised sketches.
"A Very White Christmas" (Fox News)
Fox News anchors, correspondents, morning hosts and pundits celebrate Christmas and whiteness.
"A Very Wide Christmas" (NBC)
The biggest winners on "The Biggest Loser" sit down to a traditional holiday feast and put back all the weight they lost.
"Dancing 'The Nutcracker' With the Stars" (ABC)
Kristi Yamaguchi and Emmitt Smith compete in the Tchaikovsky perennial, with Mikhail Baryshnikov and the Bolshoi Ballet standing by.
"A Very Mormon Hanukkah" (C-SPAN)
Sen. Orrin Hatch hosts a Hanukkah celebration from the Mormon Tabernacle, with guests the Osmonds, Elie Wiesel and special guest, atheist author Richard Dawkins.
Then again, you may want to serve out your sentence in prison.

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