| PEOPLE |
 |
 Film
Surfaces Showing Marilyn Monroe
Smoking Pot
Rumored 8mm of Betty Grable and
Lana Turner sharing a bong has
not turned up. |
|
|
 Sarah
Palin Dines With Billy
Graham
Says he's “a hoot.” |
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| |
| BUSINESS |
|
GM Removes “Mark of
Excellence” Badge From Cars
Replaces it with “Most of Your Money
Back Guarantee.” |
|
Dubai May Have to Sell Some
Assets
Like slave laborers. |
|
 Delta Offers Flight From
Hawaii to Detroit
With connecting short hop to Hell. |
|
|
| SCIENCE |
|
New Study: Humans May Be
Naturally Inclined to Help Others
Despite 50,000 years of overwhelming
evidence to the contrary. |
|
Examples of Several Species
Spotted That Were Thought Extinct
Among them: Dodo birds, wooly mammoths,
liberals. |
| |
| |
 To
Cut Costs, Brits Shut
Down UFO Hotline After 50
Years of Operation
Any new reports of UFO
sightings will be
automatically transferred
to Ministry of Silly
Walks. |
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| |
| CORRECTION |
| |
| We erred
when we reported that New York
state senators voted against a
measure to legalize gay marriage
despite threats to withhold huge
campaign contributions made by
gay lobbyists. Gays have no
lobbyists who could withhold huge
campaign contributions. We regret
any confusion caused by our
mistake. |
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