Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – MAY 18 - 24, 2009
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PEOPLE
“Reagan Diaries” Reveal Surprisingly Hands-On President
Unlike Bush, wrote own diary.
Joe the Plumber Quits GOP
So as not to become a distraction.
 
MEDIA
Losing Readers, Playboy
Considers Radical Changes

Like no more articles.
 
BUSINESS
Consumer Confidence Rises
Again in May

After Pfizer promises to give Viagra free to men who lose their jobs.
Food Companies, Unable to
Guarantee Safety, Add
Disclaimers to Products

Like, “To prevent the growth of deadly bacteria, heat to 4000 Fahrenheit.”
Corporations Protest Obama
Plan to Crack Down on Tax
Dodging

Call paying taxes “creeping socialism.”
SCIENCE
Shuttle Takes Harlem Globetrotters Basketball Into Space
Part of experiment to measure effects of zero gravity on shameless promotions.
Prediction of Rising Sea Levels From Melting Ice Caps Cut in Half
Public told to seek slightly higher ground.
 
Experts Call First Representational Art Carved 35,000 Years Ago Leap in Cognitive Capacity
Caused by really big boobs.
 
Study: Monkeys Can Regret
Missed Opportunities

Many regretted not getting picked for different study.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
FDA Blasts Cheerios for Claiming
Drug-Like Health Benefits

Especially Extra Frosted Chocolate Cheerios.

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