Ironic Times

page one
PAGE THREE – MARCH 23 - 29, 2009
page two

MISCELLANEOUS
Unveiled: Only Known Portrait of Shakespeare Painted During His Lifetime
Shows him playing “stick your head through the doily,” a popular game of the time.
 
TRAVEL
Consumer Group Projects
Airlines Will Lose 70 Million
Bags a Year by 2019

Part of airlines' strategy to save on fuel costs.
 
LAW
Califonia Man Sentenced to 390 Years
Reduced to 389 years with time already served.
 
SPORTS
NCAA Tourney Affecting Worker Productivity
What workers are left.
 
ALSO IN THE NEWS . . .
Former British Defense Chief Says Extraterrestrials “Could Attack at Any Time“
Recommends preemptive action.
FEATURE
How difficult is it to run a big company into the ground?
A ) Extremely difficult. Only a few individuals can do it, and they cost upwards of $4 million a year.
B ) Very difficult, but highly trained executives can do it for about $500,000 a year, plus bonuses.
C ) Relatively easy, can be done for around $100,000 a year.
Hint: you could actually do this in your spare time for beer money.

California’s Unemployment Dept. is paying $1.1 million a month to play the message: “No Operators Available to Take Your Call” because:
A ) It would cost $1.1 million to hire more operators and they don't have $1.1 million.
B ) There's very little unemployment in California and state can't find people to be operators.
C ) If California paid all the operators needed to answer questions from the unemployed, there wouldn't be enough money left to pay benefits.
Hint: Call 800-300-5616, ask operator.

FRONT PAGE
PAGE TWO
PAGE THREE
ARCHIVE
CONTACT
STORE
   Copyright 2009 Ironic Times