Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – MARCH 16 - 22, 2009
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PEOPLE
Despite Big Losses, Bill Gates Tops Forbes List of Billionaires
But he's hurtin'.
Cheney Says He, Bush “Not to Blame” For Current Mess
“We had nothing to do with it,” he adds.
 
ENTERTAINMENT
Sesame Street Lays Off
20% of Workforce

Bert stays; goodbye, Ernie.
 
BUSINESS
Merck Buys Schering-Plough,
Combined Drug Companies
To Shed 16,000 Jobs

Cutting costs, increasing demand for their anti-depressants.
Economic Collapse Has Silver Lining
For those who own lots of silver.
Obama Advises Public to Buy Stocks
His.
SCIENCE
Fermilab Scientists Closer to
Finding “God Particle,” They Say

Immediately prior to being struck by lightning bolt.
Sea Levels to Rise Higher
Than Projected

Although people over 6' 5" still don't have to worry.
 
Shuttle Delivers New Urine Recycling System to Space Station
Astronauts had been complaining about the Tang.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Bad News: More 10th-Graders Smoking Marijuana Than Cigarettes
Good news: more 10th-graders smoking marijuana than cigarettes.
 
LIFESTYLE
One Third of Those 18 to 40
Have a Tattoo

Of someone they broke up with.

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