Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – MARCH 24 - 30, 2008
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PEOPLE
Costly Divorce Ends Nightmare for McCartney
Says he'll demand a prenup if he ever marries Heather Mills again.
 
ENTERTAINMENT
Afghanistan's “Idol” Country's
Top TV Show

Cultural critics call for return of Taliban.
 
BUSINESS
Some Wall St. Banks Deemed
Greater Risk Than Nigeria

It's a better investment replying to e-mails from there.
U.S. Drug Sales Grow at Slowest
Rate Since 1961

Could be because we're getting them for free in the water supply.
Cheney: Iraq “Successful Endeavor”
Receives standing ovation from Halliburton stockholders.
SCIENCE
Star Explodes 7.6 Billion
Light-Years Away

Cause of explosion being investigated.
New Findings: Humans Walked Upright Much Earlier Than Thought
Mothers began saying “Stand up straight” to their kids much earlier than thought.
Bad News: Spring Arriving Eight Hours Earlier Every Year
Good news: winter ending eight hours earlier every year.
 
3rd Century Skeleton Shows Signs of Early Brain Surgery
Or late paying a bill.
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Fresh Blood Has Fewer Surgery Risks
Ask for it by name.
Study: Some Unhappiness Can
Be Good Thing

Findings received with mild disappointment.

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