Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – SEPTEMBER 17 - 23, 2007
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PEOPLE
O.J. Arrested After Las Vegas Break-In
Says he's innocent but will write book hypothesizing how he would have committed crime.
Revealed: MI5 Spied on George Orwell for 10 Years
Agency now demands percentage of profits from 1984.
 
ENTERTAINMENT
Air Guitar Champion Receives MacArthur Genius Grant
Allows him to perfect his art without taking a job at Burger King.
 
BUSINESS
Lamborghini Unveils $1.4 Million Car
Now's the time to buy, say dealers, with 0% financing and generous trade-ins.
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Americans Living Longer
According to study by American Association of Heirs and Heiresses.
Study: Altruism, Sex Activate Same Pleasure Center in Brain
Public advised to tip well when paying for sex.
 
 
Study: Higher Gas Prices Result in Slimmer Americans
We'll drive to closest fast food restaurant even though there's one a few miles further away with bigger portions.
 
SCIENCE
New Theory: DNA Formed in Space,
Then “Sprinkled” on Earth

By chance, God, aliens, or Tinkerbell.
Discovery: Neanderthals Used Small
Sticks to Clean Their Teeth

But homo sapiens came up with floss.
Doubt Cast on Age of Robe of St. Francis of Assisi by Carbon Dating
Also by “Clearance Sale, 30% Off” tag.

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