Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – AUGUST 6 - 12, 2007
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EDUCATION
94-Year-Old Australian Woman Becomes Oldest to Earn Masters Degree
Took seventy years to get her final thesis ("Why Pluto Shouldn't Be Considered a Planet") accepted.
 
ENVIRONMENT
Forest Service to Sell Carbon
Offsets to Individuals

Fifty bucks and you can buy that Hummer, feel good about it.
 
CONSUMER NEWS
Wal-Mart to Carry Faith-Based Bible Action Figures
Shown: Samson sodomizing Goliath.
Production of Swiss Army Knife May Be Outsourced to China
Fork would be replaced by chopsticks.
FEATURE
Republican President Bush, Republican Senator Coleman and Republican Governor Pawlenty of Minnesota appeared together to express sympathy for the victims of the Minneapolis bridge collapse, and to suggest that money to rebuild our nation’s infrastructure ought to have been provided by:
A ) federal and state government
B ) the Milky Way Interplanetary Council
C ) the Tooth Fairy
Hint: If the Tooth Fairy can’t find the money for this, she has her priorities wrong.
 
SPORTS
Manchester United Signs
Nine-Year-Old

Hopes talented youngster's good enough to be sold for millions late in his career to some unsuspecting minor league club in America.

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