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Ironic Times

 NO. 358 “Expect the Ironic” JULY 23 - 29, 2007 

July 16
July 30
FORMER PRESIDENT BUSH REPORTEDLY SUICIDAL ABOUT SON'S FAILED PRESIDENCY
Secret Service removes cylinder from his handgun.
 
WORLD NEWS
U.S. Claims Leader of Al Qaeda-
Affiliated Group in Iraq Only an Actor

“I'm not a real terrorist, but I play one on TV,” he admits.
Huge Ancient Underground Reservoir Discovered Beneath Darfur
But it's water, not oil, so U.S. not interested.
 
POLITICS
Poll: “None of the Above”
Leads GOP Race

Closely followed by “They're All the Same” and “Not Another Rich White Guy.”
 
MISCELLANEOUS
Senate Pulls Another All-Nighter
This time just for fun.
U. S. NEWS
Poll: 3% Say War Going “Very Well”
Remaining 97% say it's an “unmitigated disaster that could lead to World War III.”
Halliburton Charged $110 Million for Food, Housing, Laundry at Bases Which Had Already Closed
Vice President promises thorough investigation.
 
REMINDER
 Don't drink and drive and text message.
 
Authors of 2007 National Intelligence Estimate Sued for Plagiarism
By authors of 2001 National Intelligence Estimate.
Paper Obtains, Releases Logs of Cheney's Energy Task Force
To everyone's surprise, he only met with conservationists, environmentalists and nudists.
 
ALSO IN THE NEWS . . .
Bush Briefly Transfers Power to Cheney During Colonoscopy
Cheney launches invasion of Iran but suffers mild heart attack and is forced to transfer power to Nancy Pelosi who orders troops out of Iran and Iraq, closes Guantanamo, ends warrantless wiretapping and fires Alberto Gonzales, but Cheney recovers, voids her actions and is about to launch invasion again when Bush comes out of anesthesia and resumes control.
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