Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – JULY 16 - 22, 2007
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MILESTONES
China: World's Tallest Man Marries
Happy couple receives many lavish gifts from NBA teams.
 
SPORTS
Current Tour De France
Heralded as Steroid-Free

But race may take two months to finish.
 
KIDZ KORNER
Fill in the Blanks to Complete This Generic GOP Statement Distancing the Speaker from the War
(Answers at bottom)

While a __
(a.)__ withdrawal would be
__
(b.)__ , I oppose our __(c.)__ strategy and believe it’s time to __(d.)__ the mission. We need a __(e.)__ strategy based on __(f.)__ of our troops. We salute the __(g.)__ of our U.S. forces and are grateful for their __(h.)__.

Answers: a. precipitous, b. irresponsible, c. current, d. redefine, e. prudent, f. redeployment, g. bravery, h. sacrifice.
MEDIA
Nielsen to Begin Ranking Websites Based on Length of Visit
New measurement encourages websites to keep visitors occupied for as long as possible without taking their eyes off the page because every second they stay there without clicking away to another site increases the rates the site can charge advertisers who are very fickle and adhere to Nielsen's numbers almost religiously which isn't surprising since Nielsen Media Research has been around since at least the 1920's we think although we haven't had time to look it up since beginning this sentence and needing to hold your attention for maybe another five seconds or so and we'll all be very happy yes we will thank you very much.
 
PICTURE OF THE WEEK
Hundreds of Chinese Students Take Final English Exam
Those who pass will come here to teach our kids English.

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