Ironic Times

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PAGE TWO – JULY 16 - 22, 2007
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PEOPLE
Hysteria Surrounds Posh Spice's Arrival In LA
Many curious about what her good-looking husband does.
Nixon Library Taken Over
By National Archives

Exhibit titled “Hateful Vendetta by My Enemies” will be renamed “The Watergate Scandal.”
 
FACTOID
War Costing $12 Billion/Month
That's “less than $2 per person [on Earth],” points out administration spokesman.
 
BUSINESS
Microsoft unveils myPhone
Does everything an iPhone does, but not as well.
Energizer Buys Playtex For $1.6 Billion
Merged company to develop “exciting new product.”
POLLS
Newsweek Poll: 86% Would Vote for Woman, 92% for Black
But it may not be enough.
 
  Woman 86%
  Black 92%
  Mormon 94%
  Actor 96%
  Adulterer 98%
  Serial Adulterer 100%
 
HEALTH / MEDICINE
Study: Most Common Cause of Heart Attacks Is Waking Up in Morning
Elderly advised to not wake up.
New Drug Curbs Craving for
Alcohol, Cigarettes

It will be marketed under the brand name Dulsvil.
 
VOCABULARY BUILDER
benchmark n. 1. a mark indicating elevation serving as a reference for topographical surveys and tidal observations. 2. a mirage visible only to those not connected with reality as a guide for decision-making.

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