Ironic Times

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PAGE THREE – MARCH 19 - 25, 2007
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MISCELLANEOUS
Easter Island Statues Among 21 Finalists for New “7 Wonders of the World”
Winners will be flown to U.S. for TV special.
More Couples Sleeping in Separate Bedrooms
Survey financed by Sealy, Serta, Simmons, Stearns & Foster, Posturepedic.
 
SPORTS
NFL Toughens Steroids Policy
Stops distributing clean needles to players before games.
 
CORRECTION
 
We reported that an unknown number of prisoners were hauled before a secret Russian military court in Siberia where they were not allowed lawyers or to confront their accusers or see the evidence against them and that what happened during the secret proceedings could not be determined but that the Russian government promised to release a censored transcript at some time, minus prisoners' claims of mistreatment. In fact, these secret proceedings occurred at a United States military tribunal in Guantanamo, Cuba. We apologize for any confusion caused by our mistake.
FEATURE
Republicans have demanded that Democrats in Congress withdraw their invitation to the nation’s largest Islamic civil rights organization to use a conference room in the Capitol, because:
A ) the civil rights group are "terrorist apologists."
B ) the conference room is probably already booked.
C ) the group is infiltrated by Martians.
Hint: Republicans have nothing against Martians.
 
RELIGION
Pope Punishes Salvadoran Priest Who Spoke on Behalf of Poor, Advocated Human Rights
Disciplined for being “too Christ-like.”
Canadian Scholar Studying
Relationship Between Linguistic
Meaning, Theology Wins
$1.5 Million Templeton Prize

Says he'll use money for hookers.

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