| MISCELLANEOUS |
 |
 4200-Year-Old Tombs of
Dentists Found in Egypt
Buried nearby, 4200-year-old
magazines. |
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|
21 Locations Selected for
Vote on New Seven Wonders of the World
Ten of them have casinos. |
|
Bad News: Average Daily
Commute Getting Longer
Good news: you’ve been laid off. |
| |
| EDUCATION |
|
Playing Tag Banned at Some
Elementary Schools
Limits also placed on gunplay. |
| |
| SPORTS |
|
Threat to Bomb 7 NFL Stadiums
Proves False
FBI suspects member of extremist fantasy
football league. |
|
 Croatian
Soccer Fans Form Swastika
at Recent Game
Suggests there are
plenty of good seats
still available for
upcoming contests. |
|
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| SPECIAL FEATURE |
 |
| Dear Dear-Leader Kim: |
| Welcome to the Nuclear
Club. By setting off a
nuclear device, you have
fulfilled the only
requirement for
membership. Members are
privileged to enjoy lunch
and dinner at the Club
with up to two guests.
There is also
complimentary parking for
up to four hours with
validation, and you may
threaten or intimidate
other countries in your
region, depending on the
range of your missiles.
Drinks at our bar may be
enjoyed from noon to 2 am
closing. Unfortunately,
pets are not allowed in
the Club. |
Cordially,
New Members Committee,
The Nuclear Club |
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| ALSO IN THE NEWS . . . |
|
Rep. John Murtha
Arrested, Tortured, Secretly
Tried, Publicly Executed
Urged withdrawal of U.S.
troops from Iraq. |
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